I have taken my last dose of methotrexate. I gave it 4 1/2 months in the end, and still have no idea of whether it was actually working. I do know, however, that the side effects just became too intolerable. I felt way more fatigued whilst on methotrexate than I ever did before taking it. That, coupled with some pretty unpleasant mood swings, meant that I felt that it just wasn’t worth it to keep on with it. I ended up not feeling quite myself more often than not, and just felt an inexplicable sadness all too often that didn’t seem to tally up with hormones, or what’s actually happening in my life. Sure, I get down sometimes, and sometimes this can turn into depression, but this has been more erratic than that, feeling fine one day, and in the depths of despair the next. It left me feeling quite unstable some days, where I’d burst into tears at the smallest thing. While I can be super sensitive sometimes, this has happened way more than ‘normal’ for me. Given that, even while this was going on, I was still flaring off and on, it just hasn’t felt worth continuing with this powerful drug.
I have another appointment at the rheumatology clinic in mid January, so I guess I’ll start exploring next steps then. Until then, I hope that having stopped taking the methotrexate a week ago, I’ll start to feel back to my normal self very soon. Hopefully I’ll regain some of my energy and motivation and feel at least a little more stable in my mood and emotions.
While I’m here, I’d also like to thank everyone for keeping reading my blog posts, and sharing my PR journey. Thanks also to everyone who has commented or contacted me personally. I feel very grateful to be part of a community of people who can often feel neglected and not heard by medical professionals. It’s good to know that by sharing our stories online, we don’t have to feel so alone. I hope everyone reading this has enough ‘spoons’ to enjoy the festive season and is as pain free as it’s possible to be.